Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize