ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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