she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
