i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
