my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
