I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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