I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
