Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
