your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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