when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
