I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
did you just send me my own nude
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
