sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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