You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
