Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
