Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
