ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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