last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
sarcasm needs its own font
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
