at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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