I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
