And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
