Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
