explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
