You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
