I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
