I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize