I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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