Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
