I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
