You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
