I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize