Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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