When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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