She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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