I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
