well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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