im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize