Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
