why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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