The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I need water and some morals
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
