hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize