Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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