you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
