This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
