god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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