i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
