I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
