How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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