so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
