oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
