i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize