No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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