I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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