im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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