I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
