at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
