hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
