On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize