Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
