Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
