I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize