smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
