We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
