my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
