what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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