Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
