Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
