I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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