Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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