She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
