dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
