i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
