is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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