I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
