Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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