I got chris browned last night
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize