Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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