I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
