I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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