I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
