i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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