That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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