theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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