I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
