sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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