Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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