I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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