i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
