trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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