He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
