I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
