i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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