The maid of honor just puked.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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