six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Life is so much better after having sex.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
