we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The feeling are messing with the penis
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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