I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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