Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
