At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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