God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
