then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
