It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
