Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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