you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
